I know many of us ask ourselves if we are good enough for this, good enough for that, but do we really see what and who we are and try to better ourselves? I wanted to really dig deep inside of me and really bring out my dislikes about myself, starting with forgiveness and/or forgetting.
Now I am the type of person who really hold things in and lets it eat at me for a very very long time. This is also why I get anxiety so much because part of it comes from remembering the past and letting it eat at me once again. I want to better that part of myself. I want to be able to forgive and forget. Mainly forgive myself. I have gone through some stupid times in my teens and I have never really forgiven myself for things that happened to me, things I chose to do, and things that I simply HAD to do. It is something that affects me emotionally and something that always comes back to mind every now and then and you know that it sticks for awhile. I ask God often to help me forgive myself and help me let go of all those feelings of regret, sadness, and just overall dirty feeling inside my heart. I also have to make the change by not letting it affect me. Once I start remembering, I have to let it go and not let it eat at me. I need to have that self control. Along with Gods help, I also need to make sure that I am doing my part and that is one thing that I am hopping to better about myself.
Another thing is, loving. Sometimes I can be a little rough in showing emotions. I know I show love but sometimes I can show it in different sense where others may think I am just being mean. Remember in elementary school when that bully would pick on you all of the time but that always meant that they liked you, well that’s kind of how I am at times. I can be rough with my husband and he sometimes comes out by saying that I am just being mean. Reality is, he gets me shy, still. Yes, I get shy at times and I have no idea how to react and that leads me to panic and be a little mean. I need to learn how to be calm and just really show what I feel in my heart.
An important one that I think should be bettered in all of us is learning how to be patient and accenting others. Now, I have worked with many people who drive me nuts but just recently I was hit with this big “Oh my God” moment. I always get put with people who are a little hard to be with…ok a lot hard to be with. Now others complain about these people and just hate being around them, yet I am always stuck with those kinds of people. Why? I know why, because it’s God blessing me. God is blessing me in teaching me how to deal with different people, different situations. He is helping me learn patience and learn that everyone deserves a chance. I want to look at things is a different prospective and that is how I am going to better myself overall. Yea I may not agree with people or hate that I am being told what to do by people who can’t even do their own job but who cares, I am learning to be a better person. God doesn’t want to see me complaining and making faces he wants to see me overcome and do my job the best I can. He wants to see me go beyond what I need to do and make a difference. This is how I am going to better myself, this is what I am going to work on. I need to better myself to be happy, to have peace in my heart, not only for myself but to set a good example for others to see.
Just a thought.
May God Bless You All!